Friday, 15 June 2012

How Not To Attract Potential Dates

To all the guys out there:

If you want someone to look at your profile on a dating site, here's what NOT to do. The following is a direct copy/paste from someone's profile. Oh deary me.

"9 Things I Hate About Everyone

1. People who point at their wrist asking for the time... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their a** to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn Right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?

5. When people say while watching a film, "did ya see that?" No Loser, I paid £12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor!

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?"... Didn't give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

8. When people say "life is short". What the hell??? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!!! What can you do thats longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?" If the bus came, would I be standing here???"

Monday, 4 June 2012

Am I a bitch?

It's been ages since I last updated this, because I've not been doing much dating-wise recently. But then I went to a wedding, and thought I needed to get a move on with having one of those myself! So I'm back in the game again.

Anyway, I was chatting to this chap. Online, obviously. He seemed pretty nice, intelligent and interesting. He was new to the site, however, and hadn't yet put up a photo. So I asked to see what he looks like. Um. The result wasn't good. Um. So now what? Surely whatever happens, he's gonna know I'm no longer interested purely because he showed me his photo. Am I a bitch for not replying to his last message? Am I giving him a complex about how he looks? Is he now never going to find love due to spending his whole life with a paper bag on his head?

Monday, 9 April 2012

Another Date!

So I'm back from my second date. That's two dates total, with two different people. Not a proper second date with the same person.

So anyway, this date went much better than the last. We went out for a meal, then to a bar for a drink. I think it went really well! We both said we enjoyed it, and that we'd be in touch, so hopefully there'll be a proper second date this time. Fingers crossed!

Wednesday, 28 March 2012

More odd people, plus a date!

There are many, many odd people on online dating sites. Or at least there are on the one I'm on. One, for instance, I had a good conversation going with, but then he said he was going away and his membership was going to expire, so that was the end of that. But then this week he reappeared, and said 'Hi, I'm back'. So I replied with 'Hi', because I didn't know what to say. I then got three or four messages from him apologising for contacting me again as I clearly wasn't interested. Apparently he knew I wasn't interested because I 'disappeared'. But I didn't disappear, he did, due to him going away and his membership expiring. He then apologised for coming across like a freak. I'm not sure what to make of him now.

But anyway, I've set up another date with someone else. But now I have an issue of what to wear. Last date was fine, as we went round a museum, so jeans and a top were good for that. But what does one wear on a dinner date? It's not an especially posh place, I think, so will smart jeans and a top do for that too? Help please!

Monday, 19 March 2012

You know I'm under no obligation to reply to you, right?

Over the weekend, three whole people from the dating website messaged me to moan that I hadn't messaged them.

Person one was the hobbit mentioned previously in this blog.

Person two first showed me his photo and asked to see mine. I had a glance at his profile and quite liked his piccy, so showed him my photo. He then sent me a lovely long message, and I was about to reply when I saw he lived miles and miles away and was a veggie. I live in my house and am not a veggie. This was clearly never going to work. So I didn't reply. Then I get a message from him, saying that he can see I'm online and that I've read his message, and asking why I haven't replied. Stalker, much? So I replied telling him that a veggie that lives far far away is not what I'm looking for, and he thanked me for having the decency to reply to that message at least.

Urm... hang on. This is a dating website where people message people all the time. I'm under no obligation to reply to you if I don't like what I see, if I change my mind about you, if I'm not in the mood, or if I just can't be bothered. I've sent people messages that haven't been replied to before, and when you don't get a reply you just think 'Meh, well, he's obviously found someone he prefers, or he's gone off me, either way it's fine'. Sending moany needy messages asking why the object of your stalking hasn't replied isn't the way to find true love, I reckon.

And then there's person three. We'd sent each other a couple of messages, but then I went off him a bit. He said 'You didn't reply to my last message, was it something I said?'. As the answer was, quite honestly, 'Urm... yeah...' I didn't reply.

Ooh! Also! I got a message from someone calling himself handsome. He's not.

Sunday, 18 March 2012


Have I set a precedent? Do I need to start each post with 'So'?

No! I shan't! This stops now! So there :-)

So people should choose their username carefully...

Here's the thing. Your username is the first thing I see when I look at your profile or a message from you. So choose it carefully.

For instance, if your username is mriluvu or onefunfellow4u, you're coming on a bit strong right from the start. If your name is mrhandsome then you're obviously up yourself. If your name is misterthriller, then goodness knows what you're thinking. And as for sugarstickie23, well, 'nuff said really.

Seriously, guys, if you want me (or anyone else really) to message you, or reply to your messages, pick a username that actually, honestly, describes you, like SportyGuy or MrBlonde, or use your first name in some way, like danlondon or northernharry. Try to be funny in your username and it'll probably backfire. Unless you pick 'reallycoolusername'... I messaged that one just because of the name...

Friday, 16 March 2012

So... Stop messaging me...

Here's the deal. If you send me a message and I think you're too old, or too weird, or too dull, or that you look like a hobbit, my way of telling you I'm not interested is to not reply. Take the hint. Don't message me again telling me you've shown me your photo. I know you've shown me your photo. That's how I know you look like a hobbit. I don't want to date someone who looks like a hobbit.

That is all.

Sunday, 11 March 2012

So I went on a date...

So I went on a date. It was a nice date. Problem is, it was a nice date because of where we went and what we did, not who I went with. We went round a museum - what's not to like there? And then we went to a pub. Again, what's not to like?

Issue is though, the guy was just... meh. Not ugly, but not attractive to me in the slightest. Couldn't imagine kissing him. Definitely couldn't imagine doing anything else with him. So it's a non-starter relationship-wise. So... I didn't message him afterwards. And then when he sent me a message I didn't reply. Am I a bad person?

Thursday, 9 February 2012

So I decided to start a blog...

I've never had a blog before. There we go. Confession over with.

Actually, no, confession not over with. The reason I've started a blog is because I've started online dating. I thought maybe I'd end up with a few interesting, or funny, or horrifying stories to share as a result of this, hence the blog.

So, so far, I've been contacted by quite a few people. Nice! However, most of them are either old (seriously, you're nearly 50, I'm in my 20s, get realistic...), or weird (yes, you can tell how weird someone is just from one photo... if they're not weird, why choose that photo?), or ugly (yes, I am shallow...).

There are a few promising leads though, including a tattooed circus performer and lots of geeks. I like geeks.

Anyway, stay tuned for more updates as and when!